As a psychologist, I have spent much of my career thinking about relationships: how our earliest relationships shape us, how patterns develop, and how the relationship between a therapist and client can become a powerful vehicle for change. This summer, I spent a week at the Omega Institute training in Attachment-Focused EMDR (AF-EMDR) with Dr. Laurel Parnell, the psychologist who developed the approach. I expected to learn a new therapeutic model. I came away with something much more meaningful.
The training was deeply experiential. We learned the theory and techniques, watched demonstrations, and then practiced the work ourselves, taking turns experiencing the process from different perspectives. Sitting in the client's chair and experiencing AF-EMDR personally was transformative for me. It gave me a different understanding of what can happen when insight, emotion, the body, memory, and a deeply attuned therapeutic relationship are brought together. I returned to IMPACT excited to integrate this work into my practice and expand the ways we can help people heal.
When You Understand the Pattern and Still Feel Stuck
Many people come to therapy with tremendous insight. You may understand why criticism affects you so deeply or recognize that your tendency to take care of everyone else has roots in childhood. You may know why conflict with your partner immediately makes you anxious. You may understand intellectually that making a mistake at work says very little about your worth or competence.
At the same time, your body and emotions may respond as though something much bigger is happening. You can know I am safe, I am allowed to have needs, I can disappoint someone and still be loved, or I am good enough, while having a much harder time truly feeling those things. That space between intellectually understanding something and experiencing it differently is one of the things that drew me so strongly to AF-EMDR.
What Is Attachment-Focused EMDR?
Attachment-Focused EMDR is an adaptation of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) developed by Dr. Laurel Parnell. EMDR is an evidence-based psychotherapy that uses bilateral stimulation, such as alternating eye movements, sounds, or tapping, while a person brings aspects of a distressing experience into awareness. The process helps the brain more fully process experiences that continue to carry emotional intensity in the present.
AF-EMDR builds on EMDR with an especially strong focus on attachment, attunement, preparation, individualized pacing, and the therapeutic relationship. It combines EMDR processing with extensive resourcing and relational work, allowing the therapist to adapt the process to the needs of each person. These principles feel very aligned with the way we already think about therapy at IMPACT.
Our Earliest Relationships Matter
Attachment develops through our earliest experiences of comfort, protection, connection, and belonging. Through thousands of interactions, children begin to develop expectations about themselves and other people: Someone will help me when I'm overwhelmed. My feelings make sense. I can ask for what I need. I am worthy of care. Other people can be trusted.
Our histories are complicated, and even loving families can include experiences of separation, loss, illness, family stress, criticism, inconsistency, or times when a child's emotional needs exceeded what the adults around them could provide. Other people experience more significant relational trauma, including neglect, abuse, abandonment, or chronic instability.
These experiences can become part of the templates we carry forward into later relationships. They can shape what we expect from other people, how we respond to closeness or conflict, and the beliefs we hold about ourselves. AF-EMDR provides a way to work directly with the memories, emotions, beliefs, and bodily experiences connected to those templates.
Building Resources Before Processing
One of my favorite aspects of AF-EMDR is its emphasis on resourcing. Before approaching painful memories, we help clients strengthen internal experiences of safety, nurturing, protection, and wisdom. A client might imagine a peaceful place and develop nurturing, protective, or wise figures. These resources can come from real life, imagination, literature, spirituality, relationships, or anywhere else that feels meaningful. Bilateral stimulation is then used to help deepen and strengthen the experience.
The important word here is experience. It is one thing to describe intellectually what being protected or deeply cared for might feel like. It can be quite different to notice a genuine sense of protection, care, or support in your body.
That distinction became particularly powerful to me during the experiential portions of my training at Omega. We were learning the approach from the inside out, experiencing many of the same exercises we would eventually facilitate with our clients. The experience changed the way I understood the work. Resourcing became much more than preparation for processing a difficult memory. I began to understand how meaningful the embodied experience of nurturing, protection, and wisdom could be in its own right.
Following the Feeling Back
Another aspect of AF-EMDR that I find especially compelling is a process called bridging. Sometimes we know exactly which experiences from our past continue to affect us. Other times, the starting point is simply something happening today.
Perhaps your partner seems distant and you suddenly feel panicked. Your boss gives you constructive feedback and you feel crushed. Someone is disappointed in you and you immediately feel responsible for making everything better. In AF-EMDR, we can become curious about that response: What are you feeling? What do you believe about yourself in that moment? Where do you experience it in your body?
From there, the therapist can help you gently follow that emotional thread backward. Earlier experiences connected to the same feeling, belief, or bodily sensation may begin to emerge. Once a relevant memory is identified, the therapist can help the client process that experience using AF-EMDR. The client's own associations guide the process, allowing connections between past and present to unfold organically.
The Relationship Is Part of the Therapy
Perhaps the aspect of AF-EMDR that resonates most strongly with me is its emphasis on the relationship between therapist and client. Safety, attunement, flexibility, and connection are central to the model, and the therapist remains actively engaged and responsive throughout the work.
That fits deeply with how I understand psychotherapy. A therapist is there to notice, respond, help regulate, remain curious, and stay connected as difficult material emerges. For people whose earliest wounds occurred within relationships, having a different relational experience in therapy can become an important part of healing.
This is also part of what distinguishes Attachment-Focused EMDR for me. The bilateral stimulation and memory processing are important, but they occur within a larger therapeutic relationship. Connection comes first. Resources are developed deeply. The therapist follows the client's emotional experience, and the work creates opportunities for new experiences of care, protection, understanding, and repair.
Bringing AF-EMDR to IMPACT
I came home from Omega energized by this work. After many years as a therapist, it was exciting to encounter an approach that fits so naturally with the way I already understand people while also expanding what I can offer them.
At IMPACT, we believe therapy works best when it is tailored to the individual. Some people find tremendous value in talking, reflecting, understanding patterns, and developing new strategies. Experiential approaches can add another dimension by helping people access aspects of their experience that can be difficult to reach through words alone. Often, the richest therapy draws from both.
AF-EMDR gives us another way to do that. It allows us to work with the story someone can tell and the emotional experience underneath it, with the present and the past, and with thoughts, emotions, memories, relationships, and the body.
For me, one of the most exciting possibilities is helping people move from understanding something differently to actually experiencing it differently. That was the part of my experience learning AF-EMDR that felt so transformative, and it is what makes me so excited to bring this powerful approach to clients at IMPACT.
At IMPACT, we are committed to supporting your mental health and well-being. Our experienced team of professionals are here to help you navigate life's challenges and achieve your goals. If you found this blog helpful and are interested in learning more about how we can assist you on your journey, please don't hesitate to reach out. Take the first step towards a healthier, happier you. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.
